Dictionary

My alarm goes off and I lay in bed stretching and trying to recall last nights dreams. I haven't even opened my eyes when I hear my downstairs neighbor snoring again. It's a nice snore as snores go, a soft rise and fall of sound that could lull me to back to sleep if I focused on it. I smile a silent giggle, it seems comical that I can hear him. The sound traveling such a long way from his mouth up through his ceiling, through my floor, through my bed and finally to my ears. I wonder if his wife ever nudges him to stop.
I get up and make coffee, play music, fold laundry, open and shut many dresser drawers. My c.d. pauses and still he is snoring. If I can hear him snoring surely he can hear all that racket. What will it take to wake this man? I start to make my bed when I get an idea.
So here I am, standing in my robe holding my Websters Unabridged Dictionary of the English Language out in front of me, intending to drop it and hear all nine pounds (It's true, I weighed it on my bathroom scale) of English Language crash onto the floor. "Drop it! Drop it! Drop it!" I will myself, my arms tingling from the first signs of fatigue. I've been standing here for 2 minutes now, holding the dictionary and listening. Listening to a sound that I can only hear if everything else is quiet.
"It's 7:30am on a Friday he is probably waking up soon anyway! Drop it!"........ "You're not being mean... it's just an experiment! Let the book go!" I think over and over.
The dictionary is getting heavy in my hands, I feel the bottom cover slip past my palm, the pages tickling my fingers. "Just drop it already!" I shut my eyes tight, anticipating the sound. "Here goes!" the book is falling and just in time I shift my arms over so the book lands quietly on my bed. "Damn it! Chicken!"

I storm off to the shower disappointed in my lack of follow through. I mean what did I expect to happen? Am I going to hear him suck air, cough, and then scream, "Did that crazy bitch just drop the Webster's Unabridged Dictionary!?!" Or maybe he will come pounding on my door, "You and your dictionary! Parking lot! Now!" Or stranger yet maybe he will chuck his Webster's Unabridged Dictionary at the ceiling. Then we would take turns throwing our dictionaries and screaming insults, "Big foot!" "Grandpa!" "Cow!" "Pansy!"

What I really think will happen is the dictionary will crash, the snoring will pause, my heart will race. Then I will spend the next two weeks wondering if he hates me for being so loud and obnoxious. I'll consider finding a way to bump into him and apologize in a round about way. "Sorry if I woke you the other day, my dictionary slipped of the bed!" giggle giggle. He'll say "What? I didn't hear anything." But then I will reconsider because what if he calls me out? "It sounded more like you dropped it intentionally!" I don't want to argue with him. Better to just sweep it under the rug and forget it happened. Finally, I'll decide to make him some brownies. I mean brownies undo bad karma right? (In fact if I die someone please fill my coffin with brownies because I'm going to need them.) So I'll bake the brownies, but I'll decide to do some complicated recipe to increase the karma goodness. It will take me 3 hours to make one pan of brownies. Next thing I know I will be staring at my ceiling at 2am wondering who the hell is going to eat my burnt brownies, when the soft sound of snoring will catch my ear and I'll reach for my dictionary.

When a raccoon foot makes me happy.....

It's 7am, I just finished my morning call to my Mom, still in an early morning stupor and longing to crawl back into bed. Gazing into my bathroom mirror willing my hair to dry, I turn on my c.d. player and pull out the multiple appliances it takes to make my hair less wild. Sip my coffee and place the cup back on the sill, I glance out the window and that's when I see it, a tiny raccoon foot. I jump up and almost knock over my coffee. "Yeah raccoon!" I say aloud to no one. Feeling excited I raise the blinds to increase my view and turn off the light to stop the glare on the glass. I start drying my hair as I continue to stare out the window. Watch as the raccoon foot stretches out further and is joined by a raccoon tail. Smile. I sing aloud "Oh cozy raccoon, I knew you were still there! Just stay a few more days until I get my camera back!" My hair is dry now and I start to use the curling iron, look to the mirror to find the next chunk of hair to curl. When it hits me... I am completely happy.. curling my hair in the dark.... because of a raccoon foot.

Pushed

So I started this blog out of boredom. I started this blog not really knowing where it would go. I still don't know where it's going. How could I? My crystal ball has been broken for years.
But being the silly computer illiterate person that I am, I was amazed that I could type in the name of my blog and watch it magically pop up. In fact I did just that, about 20 times after I wrote my first blog. I mean how could they let just anyone have a blog? Shouldn't there be some kind of test first? I kept waiting for it to not pop up. For some message saying "We're sorry your blog has been denied please try again!" But every day it's still here. I even have some readers. OK well one reader that I know of. Hi D, thanks for reading my blog.

Well after my blog stayed I decided to tell some friends. "Guess what?? I started a blog!" Feeling all yippee inside. "I started a blog and you can read it!" Most of my friends giggled and smiled. "That's nice A." Except one friend. One friend said "That's good, I'm glad you're doing that, but.. (ah the but that means everything after the but is what is true) But.. it better be good. Don't just say what you did today, you have to tell a story. It has to be good."

What!? A story? A good Story?? What?? I'm the girl in the AP English class barely scraping by. My papers always returned streaked in red, with a note saying "Your content is good, but (ah the but again) your grammar needs work!" Ah! Damn it to hell! It always sounds good in my brain. Then I try to put it on paper and I don't know what happens. The apostrophes and commas all swirl around in my head and dance and make little comma apostrophe conga lines. It's like I have mental grammar block.
So then I found myself not blogging. Not blogging because, "What if this is not good??" "What if this sucks?" Then D said "I noticed you haven't been blogging." I told him my fear.. his reply "Aw honey, just blog!" Guys always make things so simple. With that in mind I thought "What if this does suck? What are they going to do? Send me to blog hell?" And even if they do, blog hell is probably more fun than(is it than or then?? see what I mean? Ah!)
work.
So at any rate... I decided to listen to my friend and to D. I'm just going to blog while trying to tell a story. Hopefully my grammar will catch up with my brain and people will actually be able to decipher what I am saying.

Perseids Meteor Shower

Six friends at the shore, watching shimmering showers of comet dust illuminate the sky, simply beautiful fun.

DMB =)

DAVE MATTHEWS BAND ROCKED!

My feet are aching wonderfully!! Instruments jamming, lyrics flying, crowd rocking, feet dancing, body swaying, heart racing, sweat dripping, ears euphoric, mouth singing, the violin makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up... Don't Stop!!

Thanks D for taking me to Dave. Love-a

Not tomorrow

Had I known that a simple querulous blog about my boredom at work would have alleviated the problem, I would have started this a long time ago. During the many torturous weeks when making my oatmeal was the most exciting and stimulating part of my work day;

"Should I have thick oatmeal or runny oatmeal? Do I want to use the microwave or the hot water cooler? Will I cut up my banana and add it to my oatmeal or eat it by itself? Should I leave my empty oatmeal cup soaking so I can look forward to washing it later?"

That is pretty exciting stuff. I mean those are important decisions that can affect/effect(someone help me here i can never remember) the rest of my day. After that it's all down hill; answer the phone, play on the Internet. I'm pretty sure time was stopping and mocking me.

"Ha ha woman, you can not will to me to go faster! 11:45 11:45 11:45!!"

Well, that bitch Time sure does speed up when I'm doing something fun like enjoying a relaxing weekend with friends. Then it's "Warp Speed Mr. Zulu!" Next thing I know I'm at work again ready to chew my leg off to keep my brain from certain atrophy. It's like the one time you are driving and you need a red light to do something, and all the lights are green. I've tried to use reverse psychology on red lights too and it never works.

So at any rate... since writing that first blog I have actually had work to do. It's an amazing feeling. Hopefully this blog will bring even more, and I will have to find time to squeeze in my blogging.