The other day a friend asked "Is it hard to have a boyfriend after you have been married?"
I found it hard to respond as I thought of the time and the road from the end of marriage to here. The range of emotions I felt from that moment to this.... hurt, pensive, angry, scared, wavering, bargaining, realizing, angry, determined, ruthless, guilty, disbelieving, relieved, mourning, confused, hopeful, sad, empty, regretful, disappointed, bitter, infuriated, glad, indignant, guarded, careless, elated, wary, rash, doubting, relaxed, scoffing, unsure, hesitant, courageous, strong, ambivalent, excited, joyful, resolute, hopetical, capricious, certain, trusting, happy, bold, content, versed, open, indecisive, delighted, appreciative, free.... some of these lasted months, others fleeting.
Most days I don't even think of him. When I do, it is hard to believe that someone I once knew so intimately is now a stranger.
So at any rate the answer is ... not anymore.
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3 comments:
I heart this. And you.
I'm glad that I had the chance to travel that range of emotions with you :)
Although never offically married, this sounds like something I could have posted about my ex-boyfriends (most of whom were as close to me as a husband would be - long-term, serious, living together, those kinds of relationships).
Why should it be any different to date after marriage than to date after any other serious relationship has ended? It's a journey no matter what and a journey, by the way, that I think all of us have made beautifully.
As Jamie reminds me when I dig up my past on occasion, he wouldn't love the person I am today, had I not had the experiences that made me into that person.
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