Most of you know about the recent hurricane Hanna, that down graded to a tropical storm, that down graded to an excuse to sit inside drinking while watching a drizzling rain. What you haven't heard about is the one victim of Hanna; Buddy, the faceless fisherman. The picture I'm posting is pretty graphic, if you have small children you may want them to leave the room.
Buddy was minding his own business, standing in the corner of my balcony like he does every day. When Hanna came along and well, Buddy didn't fair so well.
Buddy's story is a typical story of a completely useless Christmas gift.... It was 1997, and I was nineteen and had just started my first job as a nurse. My pay jumped from $5.15 an hour to $8.75, holy happy Christmas! What was I going to do with all that cold hard cash? I know,I will buy my Mom a really special awesome gift. What to get? What to get? I don't know, Mom has everything already. Then the ABC catalog fell in my lap and it held the answer. For those of you that don't know, the ABC catalog is a wonderful catalog full of useless crap, like a large plastic goose that you can put in your front yard and dress for the seasons. I'm serious, the goose comes with an outfit for every season. That was too much, I knew my Mom would not change a goose outfit. I kept flipping the pages and that's when I came across Buddy. Buddy was a doll that stands in the corner like a child being punished, he also happened to be dressed as a fisherman, pole and all. Mom likes to fish, Mom likes dolls, Mom used to make me stand in the corner. SHE IS GOING TO LOVE THIS!! It was perfect, I put in my order and stroked a check for $19.95, then anxiously awaited Buddy's arrival. A week later I had Buddy and a roll of red Christmas paper, and I carefully wrapped him and his pole(shut up pervs). I placed Buddy under the tree and proceeded to taunt my mom. "Mom, I know what you're getting and you're going to LOVE it!"
Christmas day came and I was chomping at the bit to have her open her present. But I saved the best for last, so finally after robes and calenders and gift certificates I handed over Buddy. I watched her face as she opened this wonderful present waiting for it to light up. Instead I got the; wow dear a creepy little fisher guy to stand in the corner face. I completely ignored the face and instead focused on the fake mommy tone saying;"Thanks Dear! I Love it!"
"I know, isn't he awesome!? He even has a pole, and worms in his pocket!" (what's not to love really, you can call me sick in the head, it's true enough, but I didn't invent the thing) Mom found Buddy a corner and there he stood quietly being punished (i guess he wasn't supposed to be fishing?) for 10 long years. And then my mom being the devious woman that she is passed Buddy on to me. "Here dear, I thought you would like to have some company on your balcony so I brought you Buddy!"(oh my god!! how did I think that was a good gift? he is so creepy!)
Now I have to pretend that I like the creepy little guy, because I gave him to her and well you know. I did try to protest, "Oh Mom, I could never take Buddy, I know how much he means to you." "No no dear, I think he will look so cute on your balcony."
So there Buddy stood, in the corner of my balcony creeping out my friends, "Uh, what the hell is that thing in the corner?" "Don't ask! He's in trouble just ignore him." Then Hanna came along and saved the day. Buddy was knocked over from the one gust that Hanna brought. Some might say that I could just stand Buddy back up, that he is really OK. But I disagree, I think Buddy would like to rest in peace somewhere
other than my balcony. It's his time.
So there Buddy stood, in the corner of my balcony creeping out my friends, "Uh, what the hell is that thing in the corner?" "Don't ask! He's in trouble just ignore him." Then Hanna came along and saved the day. Buddy was knocked over from the one gust that Hanna brought. Some might say that I could just stand Buddy back up, that he is really OK. But I disagree, I think Buddy would like to rest in peace somewhere
other than my balcony. It's his time. 
4 comments:
Oh, dear beloved Buddy, we knew you so well. After 10 long years of standing silent sentry to the many events of that famed den, you finally received the fruits of your labor. You retired to a luxury condo in the best neighborhood in the thriving cultural metropolis of Norfolk Virginia. For the next year you enjoyed your retirement, wanting for nothing, living out “the good life.” But this was not meant to last. One faithful day, you witnessed an event that would alter your very purpose in life. While relaxing on your porch, you watched your neighbors get into an altercation. Tempers flared, the term ”stupid bitch” flew into the evening. As the two women were about to come to fist a cuffs, they stopped. In the distance, what was that sound? Can you hear it? Is that a bell? Is that a song? Oh my, it’s the ice cream man! Tempers were quelled and insults forgotten as fruit pops, choco tacos, and nutty buddy’s passed from window to hand. Bloodshed had been avoided. And Buddy had a new purpose. Organize world peace through ice cream! Over the last two months Buddy secured the backing of both Ben and Jerry’s and PET to sponsor his ice cream initiative. But then the unthinkable occurred. You life was cut by nothing short of an act of God, a killer hurricane. While watching the furry of Gustav, you fell over, extinguishing a light in the darkness. But at least we can all rest well tonight, secure in the knowledge God has called one of his favorites home. Buddy, rest in peace. Amen.
And you say I'm not right!?! =)
My mom used to have "Joey", a similar little boy, forever punished for his childhood sins...I'm not sure whatever happened to him...
Finally released from the pain... nicely done!
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