Hot mess

Thursday after a long day at work D and I are about to settle in for the night, have a beer and dinner, when we realize we have no side dish and have to pick up photos for him to take to his family in Florida the next day. Out into the cold once more, we head to Walgreen's. In and out that's the plan, in and out like a flash, one stop shopping all that jazz, get back to his place for coziness and relaxation.

We pick up the photos and look for green beans, (What? They don't have green beans at Walgreen's?!) we had to settle for the $1.29 Budget Gourmet Mac and Cheese (surprisingly good by the way for a processed cheese food). As we were walking away from the "frozen food section", I spied the snack foods. Trail mix and macadamia nuts and wasabi soy almonds, cashews and honey roasted peanuts. Holy jackpot of snack foods....I'm lured by their salty goodness. D gives me the "This is supposed to be in and out!" look. "But!But! Honey! I love the snack food! I need it for my lunch anyway! This is saving time!" Of course it takes me a minute to decide, I keep changing my mind, D is laughing trying to pull me away. I finally grab the plain old boring almonds, still very tasty and they are good for me, at least that's what I tell myself.


We get to the checkout line, after some kicking and screaming; "What do you mean I can't have one of each?". By now the line is long and the customer checking out is arguing with the cashier about why he can't use his computer print out coupons for $1 off Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Nice try buddy, now cough up the dough and go eat your cereal, or don't, just get out of the line.


We wait for Cinnamon Toast Crunch man and wait some more for the 3 other customers. For the love! I want to go home and have a beer and eat my Budget Gourmet Mac and Cheese. At last D pays for his purchase and waits for me to check out.


The cashier rings me up, " $4.15," she says cheerily. I begin to dig in my purse for my check card (I rarely carry cash), dig dig dig. Why didn't I get it out already? dig dig dig Come on where are you stupid card, everyone is waiting?! dig dig dig "Uh, hold on, I'm sorry I can't find my card," I sweetly say to everyone, though too afraid to look up to see the dirty glares. dig dig dig This is so embarassing. Just walk away, just walk quickly away. dig dig dig No, no. What if they call the seciurty guard? It has to be in here. I am just about to dump my whole purse, girl paraphernalia, beat up chap sticks, mints covered in dirt and all, when D makes a move to grab his wallet. D! I desperately look at D "Honey help, I can't find my card." "I got it. Don't worry love," he says, much to my and the now long line's relief. "Thank you! I swear this was not a ploy to get free almonds," I give a little smile.



I continue to dig as we are walking out of the store. "Where in the heck did I put that thing? I can't find my drivers license either!" I panic. "Oh no! My car just got rifled through yesterday what if I left it in there?" "Don't worry I'm sure we'll find it, where is the last place that you had it?" "I don't know, I can't remember!" panic panic panic "Well, what did you do yesterday?" he says calmly. "I didn't use it yesterday, I just went to work and then came to your place!" panic panic.


D patiently walks me through every day like this, while I am panicing and snapping off answers, until we come to Monday. "What did you do Monday?" "Monday, what did I do Monday? I went to the bank, but I remember putting it back in my wallet!" Still patient with no sign of frustration that this is delaying the whole coziness relaxzation plan "Well, what did you wear Monday?" Loudly I reply, "Monday! What did I wear Monday? Oh yea I wore my baggy jeans I remember because Marco said I looked "chill"!" " Baggy Jeans! Baggy jeans!"suddenly I have Tourette's. Calmly he asks "Where are your baggy jeans?" "At my place!"I reply as if he is deaf. "Ok lets go to your place," he patiently says. I wish aloud, "Please for the love be in my pocket!! In my pocket!!"

I drive quickly to my place, race up the slippery metal steps, unlock the door and run to my bedroom. I grab my baggy jeans and squeeze the pockets I feel the hard plastic shape of my card and id. I pull out the card and id, kiss them and do a happy dance and sing "Why don't I just put you back where you belong?!" D is laughing "Silly woman." I hug him, "How the hell were you so patient?" "Because I do the same thing all the time."

We both do the same thing all the time. In fact if you are waiting for us to meet you, and we are late, we are probably having fun- looking for something one of us lost.